Navigating career advancement, family responsibilities, and personal development, building and maintaining meaningful connections can present unique challenges. However, by recognising these hurdles and embracing strategies to overcome them, you can cultivate enriching relationships and foster a strong sense of community during this transformative decade.

I think one of the most difficult aspects of developing community in your thirties is that nobody seems to be in the same stage of life. Maintaining the friendships of my teens and twenties is proving more and more difficult each day due to the stage of life I’m at in comparison with the people I used to spend my time with. As everyone around me seems to settle down, get married and/or have children, I’m only just finding my feet after living in England for a few years. Of course, I don’t love my friends from home any less, but I do find it difficult to relate to them in the same ways I used to.

Every time I return home for a visit, I find that so much has changed in the lives of the people I love and I’m not sure where I fit for them any longer. It’s part of the reason I’ve been so interested in building a sense of community for myself where I currently am, as I hope to find people in a similar stage of life to me that I may have more in common with now. It hasn’t proven easy, so I wanted to consider some of the challenges we face as we enter our thirties in the current social climate.

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Understanding the Challenges

1. Time Constraints:

As careers become more demanding and family responsibilities increase, time becomes a precious commodity. Balancing work, relationships, and personal pursuits can leave little room for nurturing connections. The challenge lies in prioritizing meaningful interactions amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life. I find that so much of my time is eaten up by work and simply recovering from the emotional demands of my job that I seldom want to actually socialise with my own circles.

2. Changing Social Circles:

In your thirties, life transitions often lead to shifts in social circles. Friends may relocate, start families, or pursue different paths, altering the dynamics of existing relationships. Building new connections becomes essential, but navigating unfamiliar social landscapes can be daunting. I am one of the relocating friends and found myself having to start from scratch following the dissolution of my relationship. I had lost any sense of my hobbies or interests and didn’t even know where to start in developing friendships outside of work!

3. Increased Expectations:

With age comes a greater sense of self-awareness and discernment. As you mature, your expectations for relationships may evolve, leading to a desire for deeper, more fulfilling connections. However, finding individuals who align with your values and aspirations becomes increasingly challenging and harder to compromise on when you develop a greater sense of what you want from friendships.

4. Digital Disconnect:

While technology offers myriad ways to connect, it can also contribute to feelings of isolation and disconnection. The prevalence of social media may foster superficial interactions, leaving a void in genuine, face-to-face connections. Striking a balance between digital communication and in-person engagement is crucial for fostering meaningful relationships.

Overcoming the Obstacles

1. Make Time:

I really thought I had no time or energy for socialising a while ago. I started small – I went on a few dates. Eventually, I started finding time to attend events and met people organically. I started off quite small: attend one event a month and see what happens. Now, I try to ensure I spend at least one afternoon or evening a week engaging socially with other people in real time. This could be going to an event together or just having some tea and toast. Sometimes, I would rather curl up in a ball and be left alone due to the socially demanding nature of my job, but I usually find that carving out time to foster friendships outside of work does me more good than I initially thought it could.

2. Embrace the Change:

Although I’m unmarried and child-free, I can still make time for my friends who are moving through life at a different pace to me. I can still visit them when I’m at home, we just might need to do something different to accommodate their needs. But it’s never too late to change your social circles! I don’t think this means you have to cast off your old friendship groups, but it’s important to embrace the fact that we all have different priorities now. It’s okay to develop new friendships and a new social circle that more closely aligns with who you are at the moment.

3. Let Go of Expectations (Sometimes):

I’ve tried to embrace the ebb and flow of life when developing new connections. Some of my friendships are surface-level: people I meet at festivals and parties and exchange pleasantries with, but wouldn’t have round for dinner. Some of these relatively shallow friendships have developed into something more meaningful. I’m not saying that I think the solution is to remove any boundaries or healthy expectations in relationships (both platonic and romantic) but perhaps there’s a sense of wonder and beauty in embracing the coming and going of the tide without thinking every connection is something that needs to be written in the history books.

4. Disconnect from the Digital:

I have tried both dating and making friends online. Whilst there have been some “matches” in this sense, I have found the overall experience to be… tragic. I do think apps have their uses, but I’ve found much more meaningful connections to other people from just getting out of my house. I’ve found hobbies, I’ve attended events and I’ve just started speaking to people everywhere. The friendships I have made this way have felt so much more authentic than any I have attempted to foster through apps designed in this way and I think it’s partly because there’s less of a shield up that allows an unfiltered authenticity to conversations and connections. That’s not to say there are no uses for making friends online or that I don’t cherish the friends I’ve made this way, I’ve just found that it wasn’t serving me that well when I was intentionally seeking friends.

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Navigating community and connection in your thirties presents its own set of challenges, but with perseverance and intentionality, meaningful relationships can flourish. By recognising the challenges you are facing and considering how to successfully traverse them, it can be easier than you might think to make new friends and re-establish old connections.

How are your friendships going? Share your own challenges and solutions with us in the comments!