It’s easy to get swept up in the constant motion, to-do lists, and obligations that seem to define our existence; I find this to be especially true as I have embarked upon developing a career when all I really want to do is slow down.

As we journey through our thirties, a decade often marked by significant transitions and self-exploration, taking the time to pause, ponder, and reflect can lead us to a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us. I’ve found myself engaging more consciously with reflection as I begin this decade of my life and it is teaching me a lot about myself and what I want from life. For me, it has become less emotional and more functional.

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What is reflection?

Reflection is more than just reminiscing about the past; it’s a deliberate and mindful practice of introspection that allows us to gain insight into our experiences, values, and aspirations. In our thirties, a period characterized by questioning, re-evaluation, and the pursuit of authenticity, reflection becomes a powerful tool for finding clarity amidst the uncertainty. Reflecting on events that have passed can give us an insight into what our lives may look like in the future; it allows us to grow and to develop as people and enables us to set boundaries for the future. It is through reflection – and actively changing due to this reflection – that we can shape the world we inhabit.

Reflection might look different for different people. Perhaps something didn’t turn out quite the way you wanted it to – it could be a work or personal project, a relationship, an interview. Anything at all warrants reflection. Perhaps it’s something much deeper – the way your life has turned out due to the decisions you have made in the past.

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Why should we engage with reflection?

One of the key benefits of reflection is its ability to provide perspective; it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture and become mired in the minutiae of the moment. However, by taking a step back and reflecting on our experiences, we can gain a broader perspective that enables us to see patterns, identify recurring themes, and recognize the lessons hidden within our journey.

Moreover, reflection allows us to cultivate self-awareness, a cornerstone of personal growth and development. By examining our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors with curiosity and compassion, we can uncover deeper truths about ourselves, our strengths, and our areas for growth. Being aware of how we function allows us to grow as people, to understand what makes us tick and situations we want to avoid in the future. There’s a reason journaling is so highly recommended in the pursuit of mindfulness, or why therapy is shedding the stigma it used to have.

But – perhaps most importantly – reflection empowers us to align our actions with our values and priorities. It’s easy to lose sight of what truly matters to us if we don’t take a moment to consider how our life is panning out and if we’re truly happy. However, by regularly reflecting on our goals, aspirations, and core values, we can ensure that our actions are congruent with our deepest desires and intentions. In our thirties, a time when many of us are grappling with questions of purpose and meaning, this alignment is essential for living a life that feels authentic and fulfilling.

As I find myself reflecting more regularly – I journal at least twice a week – I have discovered that the things I thought would make me happy no longer do. I’ve found that the goals I had set for myself did not give me the fulfilment I had been looking for. Most importantly, I’ve found that I have the power to change this about my life and actually have an idea of how to make changes that will (hopefully) make me happier.

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How can we engage with it?

So how can we harness the power of reflection? It starts with carving out intentional time and space for introspection amidst the busyness of our lives; no matter the method, finding moments of solitude and stillness allows us to quiet the noise of the outside world and tune into the wisdom of our inner selves.

Nobody knows you like you do. Sure, other people can provide you with feedback and insight, and this is an important part of the process! But, truly, nobody else can know what makes you tick. You need to get in touch with yourself, and you can only truly do this in an intentional way. Whilst reflections can be used for self-improvement, they should also be used for self-discovery. Accept yourself – this is the only way you can truly reflect. Don’t make excuses for your mistakes in the past, don’t use it as an opportunity to criticise yourself. Evaluation doesn’t need to be critical.

Personally, I’ve found the following activities to be most useful for reflection:

1. Journalling: Sometimes, I have specific events I want to write about. Other times, I don’t. I simply pour out my thoughts and emotions onto the page without really thinking about it. To hell with grammar and spelling; forget about deliberately crafted language.
2. Meditation: For me, I’m using meditation to mean simply thinking and allowing my mind to wander. I love surreal music at the moment, typically devoid of lyrics, and simply sit with my eyes closed, music on to block out distractions and I ruminate on my life.
3. Tarot: I love my Rider Waite deck. I love the aesthetics of tarot. I’m not an expert and I don’t believe in the ability to predict the future with them. Like someone may resonate with lyrics or poetry, I use the cards as a tool for reflection when I journal. I decide on a question and pull a card and use this to guide my reflections. I don’t think it will tell my fortune, but I will look for images that resonate with the things locked in my subconscious.

I don’t think these are necessarily for everyone, but they’re a good place to start! Other people might find success with therapy, mindfulness journals, writing prompts, guided meditation or art. I think the key is finding something that resonates with you and works for how you want to reflect on your life.

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If you’re looking for more explicit guidance on reflection, why not explore the resources available on my blog?

I also have more complex eBooks available via Ko-Fi and Etsy for digital download.

By pausing to look inward, gain perspective, and align our actions with our values, we can find a path through the chaos and create lives that are rich in meaning and purpose. So let us embrace the practice of reflection as an act of self-care and self-discovery, knowing that the insights we uncover have the power to illuminate our path forward. How are you going to reflect this week?