The autumnal equinox was actually celebrated a few days ago, marking the perfect balance between night and day. In Pagan circles, it is celebrated in different ways and typically represents a season of transformation and reflection.

It’s been a while since I posted anything! There’s been a lot going on in my life over the past few months. For a number of reasons, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting; I think this may be what has drawn me back to blogging.

I’ve been reflecting on how I want to spend my life, where I want to spend it and who I want to spend it with. I don’t think I’ve got it all quite figured out, but I’m feeling quite positive.

For just over a year, I’ve been reconsidering my career path. I have wanted to teach for over a decade. Over the years, I’ve volunteered, trained and worked diligently to make this happen. Despite all of this work and preparation, I found myself falling out of love with the profession rather quickly after entering it. For a number of reasons, it wasn’t quite what I expected. I may get into the nitty gritty of it and write a critique of modern education at some point, but that isn’t quite where I want to direct my energy at the moment.

I was told at the end of the summer term that my contract would not be renewed for the September term. Whilst stressful and upsetting, I think it has given me the push I needed to leave teaching and consider what my next move should be.

I spent my equinox eve reflecting and exploring what I really wanted to do, trying to figure out what my true path in life is and what gift I have been given to share with the world. Sometimes I think I lack any talents, or that I’ve wasted so much of my life pursuing something that doesn’t bring me joy and has left me with a bad taste in my mouth.

I felt a little downtrodden with this realisation that I still wasn’t quite sure what I had to offer or how to transfer my skills to something else. People had offered suggestions and I ran through them in my head, but nothing really seemed to resonate with me. I was at a loss and decided to curl up on the sofa. At some point during my wallowing, the lights in my living room began to flicker.

I’m lucky enough to have a conservatory. Can you imagine a more perfect place to stand or sit than a conservatory during a storm? I can’t. So, when the lights flickered, I decided to move myself to the conservatory. I stood in the doorway and spent some time staring at the sky, watching the colours transform and lighting bloom behind the swathes of clouds. As I was watching the sky, I was joined by a bat!

I don’t know if I can articulate the pure joy that coursed through my body when I realised I had been joined by a bat. I hadn’t seen a bat in a long time – and one in my garden? During a storm? Illuminated by lightning? If I ever needed a sign I was meant for witchy life, this was it! So there I stood, barefoot in the rain, storm raging behind me, staring up at the sky and grinning at a bat.

And then it hit me. Not the lightning – that would have hurt. But the realisation of what I want to do: I want to spread joy. I want to help other people feel what I was feeling in that moment: full of wonder, full of awe and surprise, full of contentment.

I haven’t quite ironed out the details of how I’m going to spread joy, but I think I’m capable of it. I believe that life is meant for living, it should be full of absurd little moments that bring us pure joy. I’m tired of being focused on horrible realities all the time, of being caught up in every horrible little thing about the world. I’m tired of not being able to celebrate the little things that bring joy and not enough people experiencing small moments of happiness.

Imagine the further joy I felt when discovering that bats are often viewed as symbols of transformation and adaptability – I really feel that the universe was sending me a message and showing me a sign of what I needed to know. Apparently, something in me needs to die to allow space for renewal and rebirth.

Interestingly, I’ve done several tarot spreads for myself and almost every single one has involved The Tower card. The universe keeps telling me something needs to change and I’m looking forward to redirecting my energy into something that spreads joy rather than making me miserable.

I’ve burnt some bridges, I’ve had everything blow up in my face and my life could be viewed as some as being in pieces. I’ve chosen to view it as an opportunity, though. Perhaps the time for reflection is over, and it’s time for the transformation to truly take shape.

Here’s to soup season and cosy candles whilst I figure out how to spread more joy in the world. Happy belated Equinox!