In a world inundated with messages about what our bodies should look like at every stage of life, embracing self-love and acceptance becomes an empowering act of defiance.

It’s taken a long time for me to develop a true sense of body positivity, but I firmly subscribe to the notion that it’s better late than never. It’s been a somewhat arduous process of unlearning and deconstructing things I’ve been taught and conditioned to believe over my decades on the planet, but the rewards have been truly liberating.

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Breaking Free from Societal Expectations

In my 20s, I often found myself grappling with insecurities about my body, comparing myself to airbrushed images in magazines and on social media. But as I entered my 30s, I made a conscious decision to break free from the shackles of societal expectations and embrace my body as is.

I’ve struggled with maintaining a healthy weight for as long as I can remember; I’ve engaged with almost every fast, cleanse and diet fad going over the years, starting as far back as I have cognizant memories. I’ve tried to be a size zero, I’ve tried to achieve a natural BBL through ridiculous fitness challenges, I’ve cried over not having a thigh gap and tried to keep up with fashion and beauty trends that have waltzed out of my life as quickly as they appeared.

The first step for me in becoming truly comfortable with my body was deciding what I wanted to do with it and how I wanted it to serve me.

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You Only Get One Body

At some point, I had a eureka moment. I only have one body, and it is going to carry me through life. Whilst I can modify my body and make it appear as I want, to some extent, I also need to nourish and look after it.

For me, a huge part of improving my positive notions towards my body was losing weight. This time around, though, it wasn’t a punishing exercise in self-hatred that motivated me.

I wanted to dance more, to explore the world more readily and to have the stamina to do so. I wanted to avoid the health problems associated with excessive weight gain. This time around, I wanted to make sustainable changes that would celebrate everything my body was capable of instead of pushing it to its limits and punishing it with rigorous exercise and starvation.

I started to eat balanced meals and exercise more. I’m not talking about painful regimes that push and challenge my body, but taking a walk in the local woodland reserve, a leisurely stroll down the coast that became progressively longer each time I attempted it. I also love going to raves and festivals and dancing until my legs can no longer function (which sounds punishing, but the fun outweighs it). The key for me was finding ways to encourage activity that supported the strength and harmony of my body and that give me a sense of elation instead of hatred.

I have a number of scars and imperfections from years of simply being alive. I have silly reminders of body modifications gone awry. I’m not over every element of being self-conscious of these imperfections, but I have begun to embrace them. I cannot change them, so why not learn to live alongside them?

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Navigating Changes with Grace and Acceptance

As we age, our bodies inevitably undergo changes, from the subtle shifts in metabolism to the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles. Rather than viewing these changes as signs of decline, I choose to see them as badges of honour, evidence of a life lived with passion and vitality.

Of course, I wish I didn’t have loose skin, but this is a testament to how I worked to change my body for the better. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have fine lines around my eyes, but they’re testament to how much time I’ve spent laughing. Sometimes I wish new hairs were my natural brunette, but the grey hairs are a reminder that I have the privilege of getting older.

Each change to my body, either societally negative or positive, is a new page, a new line, a new chapter to the story of my life and a testimony to how my body has helped carry me through. I don’t think I’d choose another flesh prison even if I could.

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Letting Go of Outside Perception

When I was younger, I found revealing any part of my body to be an exercise in humiliation. I have, as explored, a number of imperfections that I used to stress about and try to conceal. I used to allow other people to insult my appearance and truly absorb the messaging of this. I would allow it to control my view of myself and developed a true sense of not being good enough.

Eventually, I recognised that very few people actually have perfect bodies. Everyone has at least one insecurity they are grappling with. I just decided to no longer let mine stop me from living and existing peacefully in my body.

It hasn’t always been easy. I’ve had a number of experiences in which people have determined I should be insecure, that I shouldn’t be able to accept my body as it is imperfect. Years ago, I would have agreed with them and allowed them to speak to me in this negative way. In conversation with a potential partner, we were discussing confidence and self-growth; I mentioned that I thought my self-esteem and relationship with my body had developed to a pleasant place in recent months. He retorted with “even with all the loose skin and jiggly bits since you lost weight?”.

Something at that moment clicked within me: I could be upset, but he wasn’t wrong about me having those parts. However, he was the one on a date with me – despite me having these flaws? I chose to see this as a projection of his own insecurities, a way he had chosen to try and knock me down to make up for how he felt about his own body and shortcomings.

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Finding Strength and Confidence from Within

Body positivity isn’t just about loving the way we look; it’s about finding strength and confidence from within. I’ve learned to focus less on external validation and more on cultivating a sense of self-worth that comes from embracing my unique qualities and talents.

My body is simultaneously a huge part of who I am, and yet so little. It does not define my worth, but it is a tool for expression and navigation. I will continue to decorate my body as I choose to with tattoos and piercings. I will wear make-up if I want to, but I won’t bow to pressure that I should stylise my face in a particular way. I won’t allow people – especially men – dictate how I should feel about the flesh I inhabit.

My body serves my passions, and it serves me incredibly well. It deserves to be looked after and rewarded instead of constantly punished and derided.

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What’s The Solution?

There’s no hard and fast solution to improving your view of yourself; what worked for me won’t work for everyone else as our truths and experiences are different. If you want a place to start, though, I’d suggest the following points:

• Understand that societal norms come from people trying to sell you things. They want you to feel insecure because this creates a problem different industries can solve.
• Discover who you are and how you want your body to serve you. What do you want it to do for you? How can you ensure you give it a fighting chance?
• Stop relying on external validation. Know what you like about your body and embrace the positive in your perceived imperfections. Realise that external validation has underlying motives. When you compliment yourself, the only motive is to improve your happiness.

In conclusion, embracing body positivity in your thirties is a story of self-discovery, self-love, and self-acceptance. It’s about celebrating the unique beauty of your body, navigating changes with grace and acceptance, and finding strength and confidence from within.

If you’re looking for a reflective way to explore loving yourself and your body, you may be interested in my Self-Love workbook, available on Ko-Fi or Etsy (with different price points due to fees!).

So, here’s to embracing our bodies, embracing ourselves, and embracing the journey ahead with courage, compassion, and confidence. Share your top tips for embracing your body in the comments!